Friday, September 7, 2012

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

Here's a little piece of advice - always back up your data. In the past few years I've lost the picture of your dad and I on the day we got engaged, had to pay about $200 to rescue our taxes on tax day when my USB drive broke, and as of this week lost the letters I've been writing to you since January 20th, the day we found out we were pregnant with you.

So here I am, starting over!

You were very planned for, and excitedly anticipated. We got pregnant right away, leaving me a one month buffer between your birth and completing school. Your dad - the eternal optimist - had no doubt it would happen easily for us. I didn't at first, and then I browsed around the internetz where everyone takes 5 years to get pregnant and then immediately miscarries and got a little worried I couldn't wait to take the pregnancy test, and bought a 3 pack since I knew I'd probably cave and take one too early. Your dad wisely hid them from me, and didn't bring them out until the night of January 19th. I left a coffee mug with fish painted all over it in the bathroom that night, and crept out of bed excitedly in the morning to pee in it. The test was almost instantly positive, but I dragged your dad out of bed to see it with his own two eyes and confirm.

Your dad drove me to work that morning because it had been snowing all week, and the streets were still covered in slush. I still remember what I was wearing because I remember looking at a reflection of myself in a window as I walked around the office with my hand already on my non-existent belly. Besides being pregnant, I also had a bladder infection - just the first of three this pregnancy gave me! I had your dad call the doctor's office for me, since I couldn't do it in front of everyone at work. He scheduled me an appointment and then came and picked me up and took me in. The nurse came in with the results before the doctor had a chance to. She said, "You're definitely pregnant! And you definitely have a UTI."

I suggested your dad start talking to you, which he thought was crazy. Then one night he gave me a kiss, pulled down the blanket and said, "Excuse me, I need to have a chat with our baby." He'd been working late every day getting our new house ready. He told you he'd been installing the door on your room that night, and thought about sitting up with you at night, rocking you back to sleep, and realized he'd better get you used to his voice so you'd know he was your dad and be comforted. That's your dad - the sweetest man on earth when you least expect it. He's going to be amazing, I know already. He'll have you fishing and crabbing, and skiing, and hopefully you'll get a good balance of my practical planning and his never stressing out. Seeing his huge hands holding your teeny tiny future best friend so protectively over the past month makes me even more excited to see you.

I started to feel you move in April - at least I thought I did. At the end of the month I flew to Arizona to visit the future mom of your other future best friend. On the plane I realized it was for sure you - your tiny shrimp body was doing little somersaults the whole time we took off and landed! You'd been moving for a long time before your dad felt you for the first time. You have the uncanny ability to freeze as soon as I tell him to put his hand on my belly. When he did feel big strong kicks from you the first time he was blown away - and they weren't even the biggest you'd been doing! As you got even bigger, your little bum would stick out under my ribs when I lay down. He likes to grab it and wiggle it from side to side! You're already almost too big for that now, though!

You started to hurt me with your kicks about a month ago, maybe a little longer. You like to push your bum out to the right with your feet low down on the left and stretch. You better not give me any stretch marks in these last few months! I've been lucky so far. You have stretched me out on the inside enough that I have a numb patch under my ribs - at least it was numb. Now it feels like it's tearing every time I giggle! And last but not least, yesterday I noticed my stretched flat belly button was officially starting to pop outwards at the top, something I never thought it'd actually do. I think that means you're cooked!

We don't know whether you're a boy or a girl yet. In the beginning everyone guessed girl, and now everyone guesses boy - even strangers I meet in line! At your 20 week ultrasound they had us close our eyes while they checked that everything was as it should be. We'd invited your GrandNana along to check you out since she won't be here to see you born. When they told us we could open our eyes again, I opened mine to see her grinning at the screen - she peaked! She swears she couldn't tell, but I don't think I can trust the old bag! She knitted like crazy for you while she was visiting - you have a full closet of sweaters - but never gave us any clue with pink or blue. The doctor may have ruined our surprise this week though. On Tuesday I went in for what are now weekly appointments, and your dad came with to discuss our birth plan. At the end she said, "Is it a boy or a girl? It's a boy, right?" Whether she remembered right or not, I don't know, but now we're leaning to thinking you're a boy. We better figure out your middle name, if so! We have baby girl set in stone, but too many baby boy names we like, and none we love together yet. Maybe we'll know when we see you - so don't be long! (But don't be too early either, your dad is away this weekend helping G-Nan move.)

Your Momma

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